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Alert: This is one of 3,000 EFT Tapping articles that were written by users like you but before 2010. As such they are outdated and some of the links don't work. Nonetheless, they provide an excellent Peek at the Possibilities and show you the wide reach of even our older methods. See TRAINING for our free and near-free advanced methods.
Hi Everyone,
EFT Master Carol Look shows us how to capitalize on the "rebel" within so we can overcome obstacles to change. This process also points to a clever way to open doors to important core issues.
Hugs, Gary
Part 1 of 4: Letting go of anxiety
Part 2 of 4: Addictions and Weight Loss
Part 3 of 4: Pain Relief
Part 4 of 4: Attracting Abundance
By Carol Look, EFT Master
Part 1 of 4: Letting go of anxiety
I have been using a variation of the basic EFT technique in workshops that brings up many important feelings and moves my clients to core issues around control, feeling powerless, and not feeling free. I call it the Refusal Tapping Technique, and it is exactly what it says. The technique allows the client to rebel against being controlled and refuse to change. This is often the magic formula clients need to allow them to drop their resistance and move forward. It is another door through which practitioners can enter the client’s world.
The theory behind using this technique is that we have all been controlled by others for most of our lives. That’s what people tend to do – tell others what to do! Do these commands sound familiar from your early life??? (eat your vegetables, put your coat on, stop talking, take a nap, tie your shoe…) It’s time to give yourself or your client a chance and the emotional space to say “no” and reap the benefits! Never underestimate the power of rebellion…
What I ask my clients to do is repeat a regular setup phrase, and then vehemently and loudly state I refuse to change right now.…this gives that part of them a “voice” of power and a posture of “I’m in charge” and stirs up other emotions.
Letting Go of Anxiety and Phobias:
There is incredible social and interpersonal pressure to “get rid of” anxiety, generalized or acute. I have experienced a great amount of resistance in some of my clients to getting over these feelings, even though they don’t like how they feel when they experience them. Believe it or not, people’s anxiety does provide them something positive --- there is always an “upside” no matter how subtle -- or else they would be able to release it more quickly. Remember my favorite question for all clients: “What is the downside of releasing this problem?”
Karate chop point: Even though I’ve been anxious for good reasons, and you keep wanting me to let go of it, I accept who I am and how I feel about it…Even though my anxiety serves some purpose for me, I just haven’t figured it out yet, I accept who I am and how I feel about holding on to it…Even though you make me feel wrong for having anxiety, I accept who I am and how I react to situations in my life.
Eyebrow: I refuse to give up my anxiety
Side of eye: It’s done a lot for me in my life
Under Eye: I don’t want to give it up
Nose: I refuse to stop being anxious
Chin: I am so used to being anxious
Collarbone: I refuse to give it up
Under Arm: I refuse, so there!
Head: I have decided to stay anxious
Eyebrow: Being anxious feels normal
Side of eye: I refuse to give it up
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel
Nose: I’m scared to release it
Chin: Who will I be without it?
Collarbone: I refuse to get rid of my anxiety
Under Arm: I refuse, so stop focusing on it
Head: I have decided to refuse to let go of my anxiety
Karate chop point: Even though everyone wants me to be calm and peaceful, I choose to love and accept who I am with my anxiety…Even though being “anxious” is who I really am, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though everyone wants to make me feel a different way, I accept my feelings and my thoughts.
Eyebrow: I refuse to change
Side of eye: I’m not going to give up this anxiety
Under Eye: I don’t know how to give it up
Nose: I refuse to let go of my anxiety
Chin: I need to be anxious
Collarbone: I refuse to give it up
Under Arm: I don’t know how anyway
Head: Stop trying to make me be different.
After giving your client (or yourself) some air time, so to speak, to refuse to change, and giving a voice to the threat of changing, there is more room for the person to actually consider changing!!
Eyebrow: I’m not ready to change YET
Side of eye: I’m not going to change
Under Eye: I’m willing to consider giving this up
Nose: I refuse to let go of my anxiety
Chin: Maybe I don’t need to be anxious
Collarbone: What if it’s time to release the anxiety
Under Arm: I will consider it in my own time
Head: I am going to make my own choices
Saying “I refuse to give up this anxiety” sounds strange to the client, and allows them to explore more options of feeling safe and peaceful to enter their consciousness. It doesn’t mean that they are in fact refusing, it just stirs up their feelings about the position of feeling safe without their problem.
Stay tuned for part 2 of this Refusal Tapping Technique series which will focus on “Addictions and Weight Loss.”
Carol Look
EFT Master
Part 2 of 4: Addictions and Weight Loss
Addictions can be very, very complicated. If you are an addictions counselor, I encourage you to try this technique with your clients. However, please remember, we are using it for the purpose of uncovering underlying emotional conflicts. We are not using it to give the person a license to continue drinking/drugging in a way that harms themselves or others. This technique needs to be used within a larger context of recovery when dealing with addictions.
If only it could be as easy as simply “giving up” or staying away from the substance of your choice. Millions of people are addicted to sugar, cigarettes, drugs and alcohol, not to mention turbulent relationships, surfing the internet, and certain other behaviors that aren’t good for them. A broad definition of addiction or dependence is as follows: using the “substance” gets you in trouble in your personal or professional life so you “swear it off.” Within time, you “forget how much trouble you got in, and start using it again, “forgetting” how it damaged your relationships, health, or job. This cycle can go on for years before an appropriate intervention is considered.
Addicts start using their substance as a way to fit in, to try something unusual or exciting, and most importantly, to tranquilize their anxieties, frustrations or other emotions. The substances “work” for the most part. Therapists are often seen as threatening as they might “take away” the alcohol or cigarettes and leave the client feeling deep anxiety. (Even when the client has contacted you as a practitioner for smoking cessation or weight loss, you are often seen as a threat, especially when there are so many success stories on the websites about how tapping helps people lose weight and quit smoking!)
I love using the Refusal Tapping Technique for weight loss and smoking issues. People are often telling others what to eat and drink, how to quit smoking, why they should eat less, eat more, why they should stop smoking etc. Allow yourself or your clients to make a decision to rebel!
Karate chop point: Even though everyone else wants me to lose weight, I refuse to lose the weight now…Even though they keep bothering me about my weight, I choose to rebel as much as I need to…Even though I’m tired of being told what to do, I choose to accept my feelings about my body.
Eyebrow: I refuse to lose weight for you
Side of eye: I’m not going to do it again
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel
Nose: I refuse to lose the weight
Chin: I am not going to diet anymore
Collarbone: I refuse to lose the weight
Under Arm: I refuse, so there!
Head: I have decided to refuse to lose weight.
Eyebrow: I refuse to lose weight for you
Side of eye: I’m not ready to lose the weight
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel
Nose: I refuse to stop eating
Chin: Leave me alone
Collarbone: I refuse to lose the weight
Under Arm: I refuse, and you can’t make me
Head: I have decided to refuse to lose weight
Eyebrow: I refuse to lose weight for anyone else
Side of eye: I’m not going to lose weight
Under Eye: What a relief to stop trying
Nose: I refuse to lose the weight
Chin: I refuse to change anything
Collarbone: I refuse to lose the weight
Under Arm: I appreciate feeling rebellious
Head: I refuse to lose weight and I feel lighter already.
Suppose you are trying to quit smoking…nothing will trigger resistance more than recognizing that a part of you thinks you SHOULD quit, while other parts know you aren’t going to…There are many angles or “downsides” to quitting smoking. I have had clients tell me a range of challenges such as (1) dealing with withdrawal symptoms, (2) not knowing what to do with their hands, (3) fearing they would lose their identity if they quit, (4) extreme depression, (5) intense anxiety, and (6) an inability to concentrate. Reminding smokers that the surgeon general thinks smoking is bad for your health is utterly useless. Remember, addicts are trying to tranquilize their feelings, and the thought of being unable to soothe themselves with a cigarette throughout the day is very threatening.
Karate chop point: Even though everyone else is pressuring me to quit smoking, I accept who I am and that I may not be ready…Even though I don’t want to quit yet, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I feel resentful that you are pressuring me to quit, I accept who I am and that I’m a smoker.
Eyebrow: I refuse to quit smoking
Side of eye: I’m not going to do it yet
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel and keep smoking
Nose: I refuse to give up my cigarettes
Chin: I am not ready to quit so don’t ask me to
Collarbone: I refuse to quit smoking
Under Arm: I refuse, so stop bugging me
Head: I have decided to refuse to give up smoking.
Eyebrow: I refuse to quit smoking
Side of eye: I’m not ready so why bother?
Under Eye: I’m enjoying rebelling!
Nose: I refuse to give up my cigarettes
Chin: I’m not ready to quit, so leave me alone
Collarbone: I refuse to quit
Under Arm: I’m not ready
Head: I have decided to refuse to quit and it feels good
As I said earlier, in addition to food and cigarettes, many other substances or behaviors can be seen as problematic or categorized as “addictions.” Have you ever known someone who appeared addicted to drama in their romantic relationships? I have used EFT for clients with internet addictions, dependencies on drugs and alcohol, sun bathing, picking their skin, chewing their nails etc.
What is critical in addictions work is to get to the bottom of the addicted behavior --- using a substance, person or “thing” to tranquilize your feelings. What feelings are you or your clients trying to quiet? These feelings will need to be addressed for addiction treatment to be successful, however, try the Refusal Tapping Technique as another way to uncover emotional conflicts that are keeping the cycles alive.
Eyebrow: I refuse to give up this unhealthy relationship
Side of eye: I’m not going to give it up
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel
Nose: I refuse to do anything different
Chin: I am doing it my own way
Collarbone: I refuse to give anything else up in my life
Under Arm: I refuse, so there!
Head: I have decided to stay exactly as I am.
Eyebrow: I refuse to stop this addicted behavior
Side of eye: How will I feel if I can’t do it anymore?
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel against others
Nose: I refuse to give it up
Chin: I choose to do it my way
Collarbone: I refuse to give up this behavior
Under Arm: I refuse, so stop asking me to
Head: I refuse to change for you.
Stay tuned for parts 3 and 4 on using the Refusal Tapping Technique on “Pain Relief” and “Attracting Abundance.”
Carol Look, EFT Master
Part 3 of 4: Pain Relief
While the subject of “secondary gains” can often be a touchy one, I invite you to consider that every physiological symptom we have metaphorically represents deeper issues and conflicts, and that many times our symptoms do in fact give us something positive in our lives, no matter how subtle. We all get sick from time to time and we all wear down our immune systems through holding onto emotional conflicts. That’s why EFT is so perfect as a universal healing aid. Whether you have experienced grief, abuse, terror, loneliness, hurt, fear or anxiety, EFT is an elegant tool to help relieve your body-mind-spirit of the conflict and tension.
Some of you or your clients may “hear” blame when we talk about using EFT for pain relief or serious diseases, but please “hear” the truth of what the EFT community is saying: Chronic and unresolved emotional conflicts almost always exacerbate pain, no matter what the x-rays and MRI’s are showing. Someone in pain is naturally anxious and often “braces” against movement of any kind. There are terrible vicious cycles set up for pain patients.
When working with pain control, I assume that the person’s body has incredible wisdom, and that the energy used to fight the symptoms could be relaxed, if even only for a few minutes a day, with EFT. Freed up, this energy could help the entire system heal faster, regardless of the diagnosis. Since I am not a medical doctor, I make it clear that I am treating the emotional issues associated with the pain or illness.
The Refusal Tapping Technique works well for pain because so many loved ones and professionals are always trying to get us to “fix” our bodies and get over the pain. What if you gave yourself permission to just be with the pain and appreciate your body anyway, rather than always trying to get rid of it?
Karate chop point: Even though I’ve had this pain for so long, and everyone wants me to get rid of it, I choose to accept who I am and I have decided to refuse to let it go…Even though I have been in pain for so long I’ve forgotten how to feel good, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway…Even though I don’t know who I would be without this pain, I accept myself and my body right now.
Eyebrow: I refuse to release this pain
Side of eye: I’m not going to do it for you
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel
Nose: I refuse to let go of this pain
Chin: The pain is doing something good for me
Collarbone: I refuse to let go of the pain
Under Arm: I’m not ready yet
Head: Stop making me get rid of something I need
(Again, the point isn’t that the person is in fact refusing to let it go, but saying “I refuse to let it go” is a great catalyst for other feelings.)
Karate chop point: Even though I have mixed feelings about this pain in my _____________, I deeply and completely love and accept who I am…Even though a part of me wants to hold on to this pain, I accept who I am anyway…Even though I’m not sure I’m read to release the pain yet, I accept where I am and how I feel about my body.
Eyebrow: I’m not ready to let go yet
Side of eye: Stop trying to fix me
Under Eye: I refuse to change for you
Nose: I refuse to let go of this ailment/pain
Chin: I refuse to get over this
Collarbone: I’m not ready
Under Arm: I’m tired of pushing myself
Head: I have decided to hold onto my pain for now.
Karate chop point: Even though I have been reluctant to let go of the pain, I have decided to appreciate my entire body…Even though I’m not ready to let go of the pain, I accept who I am and why I am in pain…Even though I’m not sure I am ready to release the pain yet, I choose to appreciate who I am and how I feel.
Eyebrow: I refuse to release the pain
Side of eye: I’m not ready to let it go
Under Eye: I like to rebel
Nose: I refuse to get better
Chin: I’m not ready to take the next step
Collarbone: I refuse to be different
Under Arm: I’ve already tried and nothing works anyway
Head: I refuse to change even though you want me to.
Remember that pain clients have often tried many interventions only to be left disheartened and discouraged when nothing has worked. I have seen EFT work wonders for pain control, but the entire “system” of the person needs to be ready to release the tension, release the past hurts, and allow the body to heal in a natural way to the extent it is able. Ask yourself and your clients, “Are there any possible downsides to being without this pain or condition?”and“Are there any advantages of holding onto this?” Remember that the notion of “REFUSING” to give up anything is to give the client more power, more control, and more of a “voice” in their life. It doesn’t mean that the person is actually refusing to let go.
Karate chop point: Even though I don’t believe I can let go of the pain, I’ve had it too long, I accept who I am and how I am living…Even though it’s not my fault, but I keep hearing blame, I accept my whole body now…Even though I hate the body parts that are in pain, I accept who I am and how I feel.
Eyebrow: I refuse to let it go
Side of eye: I don’t know how to let it go
Under Eye: If I knew how I would let it go
Nose: Stop blaming me
Chin: Nothing ever works for me
Collarbone: I refuse to change my body
Under Arm: I don’t believe I can
Head: I refuse to feel better.
Another critical component of pain is that people often don’t like the part of their body that gives them trouble, whether it’s the arthritic knee, the painful back, or the joint pain associated with fibromyalgia. What if the only “assignment” for the person was to accept their entire body, no matter what?
Karate chop point: Even though I’m mad at my back for causing all this trouble, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I feel betrayed by my knees, I accept my entire body anyway…Even though I’m frustrated with my body for not cooperating, I accept who I am and how I feel about it.
Eyebrow: I refuse to let it go
Side of eye: I hate my body
Under Eye: I’m mad at my body
Nose: I refuse to appreciate my body
Chin: Nothing ever works for me
Collarbone: I hate the parts that are hurting me
Under Arm: I’m not able to change
Head: I refuse to feel better
Eyebrow: What if I don’t have to DO anything
Side of eye: Stop telling me what to do
Under Eye: I refuse to let it go
Nose: If I knew how I would have let it go already
Chin: Nothing ever works for me
Collarbone: I refuse to change my body
Under Arm: I have decided to accept all of me instead of trying to change
Head: I accept my entire body, even the parts that hurt.
Stay tuned for part 4 of this series --- using the Refusal Tapping Technique for “Attracting Abundance.”
Carol Look, EFT Master
Part 4 of 4: Attracting Abundance
My passion is helping people attract personal and professional success into their lives. Most of us have some ambivalence, or resistance to being as successful as we say we want to be, or else we would be able to easily open the door and allow the Law of Attraction to bring our desires to our doorstep.
I have found the Refusal Tapping Technique quite powerful when talking about the topic of success and abundance. As with the other topics in this series, allowing the client to refuse to do something triggers feelings and conflicts that need to be addressed and collapsed in order for the client to progress. It may sound absurd to say “I refuse to attract abundance” but I have seen it be the perfect catalyst for change in my clients.
I always ask my clients why they want to be more successful, as it is important to uncover their motivation for professional success or financial wealth.
What do you want to do with the wealth?
Why is it important to make more money?
How will you feel when you have more money?
What are you really looking for?
Then I ask what would happen if nothing changed in their financial situation.
What would happen if you don’t become wealthier?
Who will disapprove?
What if your income level stays where it is?
What if you never have more financial wealth?
This is often where the conflicts and reasons for sabotage are hidden. One client wanted to be more financially successful to get the approval of his father. His father appeared unwilling to approve of him under any circumstances, so this was a slippery setup for him. Another client wanted to be more powerful, yet was giving his personal power away to the idea of abundance and didn’t pay much attention to accepting himself where he was right now.
Karate chop point: Even though I’m not feeling very abundant and can’t even pay my bills this month, I accept who I am anyway…Even though everyone wants me to attract abundance and I don’t feel like it, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I feel a lot of pressure to make more money, I have decided I am fine right where I am.
Eyebrow: I refuse to make more money
Side of eye: I don’t want to play this game
Under Eye: I am rebelling against these abundance people
Nose: I refuse to earn more money
Chin: I refuse to work harder
Collarbone: I refuse to be more successful
Under Arm: I accept who I am right now
Head: I have decided to refuse to attract abundance
Eyebrow: I refuse to do something more
Side of eye: I don’t want to want abundance
Under Eye: It feels good to rebel against success
Nose: I’m finally refusing to be more successful
Chin: I hate the subject of money
Collarbone: I refuse to earn any more no matter how easy it might be
Under Arm: I refuse, and it feels right to me
Head: I made a decision to refuse and I’m happy about it
Karate chop point: Even though I don’t want to want more success, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway…Even though everyone thinks I should have more money, I’m tired of trying…Even though I feel the resistance about abundance, I accept who I am and how I feel about my financial situation.
Eyebrow: I refuse to want to be more successful
Side of eye: I’m not going to try to be wealthy
Under Eye: I choose to rebel against a higher income
Nose: I refuse to make more money
Chin: I am not going to do it just because everyone else is
Collarbone: I refuse to make more money
Under Arm: I prefer to rebel right now
Head: I feel so free when I rebel
Of course some of these statements sound ridiculous, which is often the reason the client starts looking into their limiting beliefs and resistance to becoming more successful. Sometimes a client will tap on these statements and realize they are indeed just rebelling against a parent or teacher figure in their life, and see how trapped they have been by a need to rebel.
Once enough “refusals” have been stated, the client is then ready to feel their real feelings about prosperity in their lives, and often the deeper reasons for wanting financial success can be uncovered.
Eyebrow: I have been refusing to make more money
Side of eye: I thought money was bad
Under Eye: I associated it with my father
Nose: I have been refusing for the wrong reasons
Chin: I appreciate what I do have
Collarbone: I choose to attract abundance into my life
Under Arm: I refuse to attract abundance
Head: I have changed my pattern and now I am ready
Many clients assume that to make more money, they will need to work harder. This is what I call a limiting belief as it is not the truth, just an assumption or belief about what is going to happen. Uncovering and collapsing limiting beliefs with EFT is the cornerstone of my work these days, and I have seen amazing transformations in myself and my clients.
Karate chop point: Even though I’m convinced I will have to work harder to make more money, I accept who I am and that I don’t want to…Even though I’m convinced I’ll have to give up more time and I don’t want to, I accept who I am and how I am handling this issue…Even though I don’t want to work harder to make more money, I choose to feel free from the pressure.
Eyebrow: I refuse to work harder for more money
Side of eye: I’m not going to work any harder than I already am
Under Eye: I won’t do it
Nose: I refuse to work harder
Chin: I refuse to earn more money
Collarbone: I refuse to work any harder than I already am
Under Arm: I refuse, and it feels good
Head: I refuse to work harder even though it might bring more money
Eyebrow: I refuse to work harder
Side of eye: Maybe I don’t have to
Under Eye: I refuse to attract abundance by working more hours
Nose: Maybe I don’t have to
Chin: I refuse to work any harder
Collarbone: I refuse to attract more success into my life
Under Arm: I hate this topic anyway and refuse to give it attention
Head: I refuse to do what’s necessary to make more money.
Again, many of these statements will seem utterly absurd to the person, and will allow other limiting beliefs to surface. Once they enter conscious awareness, then they can be targeted with EFT. Repeating “I refuse to earn more money” only makes sense when making more money is seen as a problem, or as a threat to our free time or belief system.
Many clients also believe that being more successful will make them stand out, and have some negative consequences. While they may have experiences of being hurt in the past for standing out, EFT is the perfect tool to collapse this fear, and thereby get them on the path to attracting abundance if indeed that is what they want.
Karate chop point: Even though I don’t want to stand out because they’ll hurt me, I accept who I am and how I feel about abundance…Even though I’m afraid to become more visible, I accept how I feel about myself….Even though I don’t feel safe becoming more successful in my business, I deeply and completely love and accept who I am.
Eyebrow: I refuse to become more successful
Side of eye: I don’t want to stand out
Under Eye: It’s dangerous to stand out
Nose: I refuse to stand out
Chin: I’m not going to become more successful
Collarbone: I refuse to change anything
Under Arm: I’ll be safe if I don’t stand out
Head: I refuse to attract more abundance
Eyebrow: I refuse to let go of this fear
Side of eye: I refuse to feel free to be powerful
Under Eye: I refuse to attract more abundance
Nose: I like feeling rebellious
Chin: I won’t earn more even though I’m worth it
Collarbone: I’m not worth it
Under Arm: Yes I am
Head: No I’m not.
The worthiness issue that I raised in these last few sentences is critical to success and abundance. Many of my workshop participants and teleclass attendees truly believe that they don’t deserve abundance, and suggesting that they do is often confusing or disorienting.
Karate chop point: Even though I don’t feel I deserve abundance, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I’m convinced I don’t deserve as much as everyone else, I accept who I am and how I feel…Even though I feel convinced that I don’t deserve abundance, I choose to appreciate all of me anyway.
Eyebrow: I refuse to believe I deserve abundance
Side of eye: I don’t deserve it and I’m not changing this belief
Under Eye: I’m convinced I don’t deserve it
Nose: I know I don’t deserve what others deserve
Chin: I refuse to believe in myself
Collarbone: I refuse to believe I deserve abundance
Under Arm: I don’t believe I’m worthy enough
Head: I refuse to feel more worthy
Eyebrow: I refuse to let go of this belief
Side of eye: I’m sure I’m not worthy
Under Eye: Stop telling me I should feel deserving
Nose: Stop asking me to change how I view myself
Chin: I refuse to believe I am enough
Collarbone: I refuse to change this belief
Under Arm: I have never believed I am worthy
Head: I refuse to feel better.
After this sequence, many feelings are loosened up and the client is often ready to move to new issues or release this dependence on seeing themselves as unworthy or undeserving. Remember, we are often quite attached to our identities, no matter how damaging they are.
Karate chop point: Even though I still don’t feel worthy of abundance, I accept and love myself anyway…Even though I’m still convinced I don’t deserve abundance, and you keep trying to change my mind, I deeply and completely love and accept who I am…Even though I don’t feel deserving of success and abundance, I accept who I am and how I feel.
Eyebrow: I refuse to let go of this belief
Side of eye: Stop trying to make me feel better
Under Eye: I refuse to feel better
Nose: What if I am worthy after all
Chin: No I’m not
Collarbone: I refuse to feel deserving
Under Arm: I don’t believe I am worthy
Head: I refuse to feel worthy
Eyebrow: Maybe I do deserve success and abundance
Side of eye: You deserve it
Under Eye: They deserve it
Nose: Maybe I deserve abundance after all
Chin: I choose to feel worthy
Collarbone: I appreciate who I am
Under Arm: I accept that I am worthy
Head: I refuse to hide any more!
I hope you enjoy trying out this technique with yourself and your clients. You are sure to get a few good laughs, and emotional and energetic shifts will follow.
Carol Look, EFT Master
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