The value of taking dead aim at the negatives

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Hi Everyone,

Although I usually like to tip toe into cases that contain heavy negativity or trauma, there are occasions where hitting the negatives head-on provides quality benefits. Baerbel Froehlin provides us with such a case.

Hugs, Gary

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By Baerbel Froehlin, CHt./HypnoCoach, EFT-ADV

Hi Gary!

I'm a true believer in saying and addressing the negatives first.  I am completely sure that after clients have been finally "allowed" to voice these feelings, healing takes place fast.  It will definitely free them of lots of unexpressed, sometimes deeply hurtful thoughts and emotions they may be having about themselves. 

They may have overheard others talking in hurtful phrases about them, like family members or people in their work environment.  If these phrases are not out in the open a sound positive change may not be possible.  I find it often, though, that the most hurtful remarks are made by the clients themselves, about themselves.

For example, I worked with a woman recently who came to me for weight loss and a few small physical issues.  It seemed that no matter what the doctors had prescribed, the physical issues didn't disappear the way they were expected to.  This woman, "Clara", talked about herself in extremely negative ways.  After a few minutes listening to her I was almost cringing in pain as she belittled herself constantly.  I know that many women do that to themselves, they even smile a painful smile while they do it.

She was tapping on her sternum as she told me all these horrible things when I jumped in and started repeating her phrases.  Everything she came up with I repeated back to her, feeling her immense pain almost like my own, like the pain of many female abuse survivors.

I need to lose weight; I'm so terrible to look at…

I'm fat and ugly … nobody wants to be with me…

I can't look at myself … I'm so ugly it gives me the creeps…

I can't bear looking at me … fat all over …

I'm not surprised nobody wants to be with me…

I have this ugly face … and my body is fat ... fat … fat …

I hate myself … I look disgusting … I can't stand myself

Words like these really go against everything that I have worked on forever with many, many female clients.  Women, who had been abused and had very low self-esteem because of the abuse.  Women, who then struggled, working hard on themselves to get through the self-hatred and finally meet the little girl inside, reconnect with who they really always were and now could become again.  Women, who after lots of emotional work, lots of time and money spent finally learned to accept and love themselves for the true, whole, and so very capable person they were.  After purging their negative feelings about themselves they were able to move on; EFT did it well for them.

And here was yet another woman, hating herself.  While Clara and I played the phrases back and forth I noticed that she finally slowed down.  Her face changed, she started weeping.  I did too but kept on tapping.  While she was sobbing uncontrollably I went on talking and she repeated my phrases.

I want to love myself … but I can't…

I need to forgive myself … but I don't know how…

I want to be my own best friend to support and accept myself always…

I don't want to feel so alone anymore… 

I need love … I need appreciation … I need to be able to trust…

I want to make my little girl feel safe and happy again … she deserves it…

And then many more like these, until Clara stopped weeping, started smiling, yelled out the words with me until we stopped, exhausted but relieved big time.  She left as "a different person,” kept tapping regularly and over time really turned herself around.  She now has a more healthy relationship with herself, some of the weight has dropped and her physical issues are almost forgotten.  She still describes our first session as "incredible" to others; the freeing way to express what had been inside of her, strangling her for so long, only to be turned around into liberation and wholeness.

Love and Peace to all!

Baerbel Froehlin, CHt./HypnoCoach, EFT-ADV

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